What happens to your cyberspace footprint, after you die?

Ghost bike memorial
-we keep passing them,
on our way to hospital cancer treatments.

What happens? That's difficult to say! Facebook requires complex Power of Attorney and Certificate of Death evidence in order to delete.

My happy hubby has his catheter out. I've managed over 2000km into and out of the city for his cancer assessment, diagnostic tests, pre-op, post-op, visits into the city. The last trip into the city, through a snow storm, was the drive through hell, passing this friggan' memorials, I tell you.
Hubby is on the road to recovery. We await his pathology report for next steps. Hopefully, all will be clear, but they cannot know for sure until they examine all the sectioned cells. Radiation might be next. We live in the present.

With my ex-husband's passing, from a sudden heart attack this week, this topic [Forbes article: What Happens to Your Data When you Are Dead?] is something I think about. His 2nd wife has dementia, and the kids are currently fretting over a placement for her, as she is unsafe living alone. Yep. Quite a week it has been.

I've had many blog buddies whose blogs have simply been left out there in cyberspace. One young man, age 24, was posting about his disease trajectory. He had stomach cancer. One of his close friends finally emailed me after he passed, as I had heard nothing and did not know of his passing. His posts simply stopped.

Being a hospice volunteer, I've thought about this issue, and still do not know what to tell my children. I've told them where I keep my passwords. I am a firm believer that we celebrate the day of birth, and life, not the day of death. I loather those ghost bike memorials on city streets. This isn't where one should remember someone, I don't think.

road-side memorial

On my blogs I've chronicled my journey through my career teaching, and shared some lessons learned (i.e., Tips for Parents with Children on the Internet). There is much being written about protecting our children. A new issue: protecting seniors from those who would prey on them on-line is another dilemma.

I've continued my personal research on senior healthcare, current information and best practices for those needing healthcare in Ontario (The for-profit healthcare sector is huge!), but eventually, this information will be outdated. What happens when I can no longer maintain it?

This memorial to Jacques Leblanc,
we also pass on the way to hospital.
It is creepy, as you contemplate your life.
He died here, age 22, on his motorcycle.

There are some good pieces I've written, which are timeless. Photos, however, are a nice record of a family. Our grandparents might have kept photos in photo albums, and data in ledgers, like Nancy's family, who settled in Lake of Bays in 1905:  Grandfather's Beach.

A friend of mine documented her journey caring for her husband  (WWII veteran) with Alzheimer's Disease: from managing his symptoms, to finally finding him a long-term care, and then the day he and his new girlfriend ran away! She had much support and encouragement. Once he passed over, she created a new blog about her recovery from grief, mourning and bereavement, as a widow. She is doing so well. Many, like Olga, shave shared their grief over losing a husband, and received much support. She wrote about cooking for one.

I also do blogs for two Habitat for Humanity groups. These photos are timeless and a part of the history.

My late father, late mother, and our family 1991
Ironically, my ex-husband's funeral is at this church.
He and his 2nd wife lived in the area.

The Bala Habitat build was amazing, I took photos on a regular basis. We moved away just before it was finished, but they sent photos!

In case of emergency, check browser history!
What do you think?

A memorial – mourning or celebration?

Mom, as she was in life.

I have to say that I am against roadside memorials. I am. I believe that a memorial where a person died focuses too much on the death, and not on the living.

A memorial gives power to those who may have caused a death. Terrorism breeds terror. We must rob them of this power.

Mom's urn (left) and Dad's at his Celebration of Life

I know that I remember my parents and grandmother all the time. Mourning is much healthier when one looks at a loved one's achievements. What was it that made your loved one great? What did they do? What did they accomplish, however average, big or small? Once I got over the last few weeks of my mother's passing, I was better able to focus on the great love they showed in adopting me. The life she gave me was precious, her lessons well-taken, her love, unconditional. And this cannot be mourned. This must be celebrated.

Her last days were filled with angst, and anger at me for being there to supervise her care. I was fearful that I wasn't doing enough. She was fearful that I would put her in LTC or hospital.
I fought with my late father's physician and nurses for more pain medications. This is no different than those who lose loved ones to violence or violent incidents.

A private, family moment of joy, laughter and love

Much joy in the great memories!

But, once it is over, it is over. No going back. One makes the best decisions at the time. No second guessing. I did what I thought best at the time: finding a job near her home, calling in Red Cross support workers (through CCAC) to help us out. She rebelled until the last two weeks. I was stressed working full-time and managing her care, while Dad was getting radiation therapy my brother had taken him to in far-away Toronto. Yes, a bad time, I ended up in a depression. But that is over. I am finding healing in telling my story, and helping others cope, while I volunteer as a professional caregiver.

A story in the Ottawa citizen writes of urns found by divers in the Ottawa river. 'Hulse, Playfair & McGarry' was on it. The diver brought it there. Then the family indicated that the urn was dumped in the river on purpose. Why? Isn't this illegal? I recall the story of the woman swimming through a mysterious amount of ash floating on the surface of Lake Muskoka. Someone had chosen to sprinkle a loved one's ashes in the lake. There are places to buy non-floating packets in which to place ashes, they sink to the bottom, but is this fair to the rest of the community?

The dead and the nearly departed 
 September 11, 2011
...scuba diver who had found a sealed cremation urn on the bottom of the Ottawa River. He promptly paid a visit, urn in hand. The funeral home made the link...call. Oops. The family had thrown the urn in the river, on purpose, as a fitting...

I laud those who turn their grief into work for others, i.e., suicide prevention.

Sep 04, 2011

Walk with purpose to bring suicide out of the shadows

CARLETON PLACE – You’ll never have to walk alone.

Or the Message in the Bottle.

The message in the bottle

The story of the Mintz family's campaign against drunk driving.

Cottage Country Reflections: The message in the bottle

Mar 15, 2009

Click on the logo at left to visit The Message in the Bottle website and view the other videos. Sad documentaries to the pain that happens after you lose your son in a highly preventable accident. We must bring home the idea ...

Cottage Country Reflections: Summer travel on the roads

Jul 04, 2009

I wrote about The Message in the Bottle website previously, on My Muskoka. My friend, Cindy, reprised the story and documented it on the one-year date in her post: Drinking and driving . It breaks my heart as a mom and ...

Recreation of an accident scene

Apr 02, 2009

The Reconstructionist from The Message In The Bottle on Vimeo. On July 3rd, 2008 in Muskoka, Ontario three young men (Cory Mintz, 20, Tyler Mulcahy, 20 and Kourosh Totonchian, 19) died in a car accident that involved alcohol.

9/11 Memorials
The 9/11 stories are interesting, stories of heroes and the brave firefighters who lost their lives, but the violation of privacy, by the media, of some family members of victims, borders on harassment and exploitation.

One artist's work, featuring paintings of those who leaped to their deaths from the twin towers, is just eerie. yes, she is dealing with her shock by painting it, but she wasn't there, and no one know who these people were. The photos would give such grief to their loved ones, if they thought they jumped like that. A young lady, who was 12 at the time of 9/11, spoke of her PTSD as an elementary school student who was there and watched these people jumping to their deaths.

There is healthy grieving, and not-so-healthy. We know that 9/11 changed the world, many believe not for the better. We must focus on the lessons learned, on the lives that were saved, on the heroes, e.g., FLight 93 passengers who fought the terrorist and prevented further deaths.

Flight 93

10 Years of Remembrance. Honor the Heroes of Flight 93. [The plane that went down in Shanksville, near to Washington.]

Roadside Memorials - they creep me out

Ghost bikes will have a time limit in Ottawa

Cole Howard

Roadside memorial, highway #15

Driving around the province, from Ottawa, Wawa, Toronto, Muskoka, Lanark County, we've seen quite a few. A loving tribute to a loved one who has passed over.

Perth Rd.Lanark County Roadside Memorial

ghost bikes

Skootamata River - bridge
roadside memorial near Tweed

Trip to Ottawa Hospital

The message in the bottle

Add caption

Jacques Leblanc 1990 - 2013
 Ottawa, ON – Jacques A. LeBlanc, 22
motorcycle