What happens to your cyberspace footprint, after you die?

Ghost bike memorial
-we keep passing them,
on our way to hospital cancer treatments.

What happens? That's difficult to say! Facebook requires complex Power of Attorney and Certificate of Death evidence in order to delete.

My happy hubby has his catheter out. I've managed over 2000km into and out of the city for his cancer assessment, diagnostic tests, pre-op, post-op, visits into the city. The last trip into the city, through a snow storm, was the drive through hell, passing this friggan' memorials, I tell you.
Hubby is on the road to recovery. We await his pathology report for next steps. Hopefully, all will be clear, but they cannot know for sure until they examine all the sectioned cells. Radiation might be next. We live in the present.

With my ex-husband's passing, from a sudden heart attack this week, this topic [Forbes article: What Happens to Your Data When you Are Dead?] is something I think about. His 2nd wife has dementia, and the kids are currently fretting over a placement for her, as she is unsafe living alone. Yep. Quite a week it has been.

I've had many blog buddies whose blogs have simply been left out there in cyberspace. One young man, age 24, was posting about his disease trajectory. He had stomach cancer. One of his close friends finally emailed me after he passed, as I had heard nothing and did not know of his passing. His posts simply stopped.

Being a hospice volunteer, I've thought about this issue, and still do not know what to tell my children. I've told them where I keep my passwords. I am a firm believer that we celebrate the day of birth, and life, not the day of death. I loather those ghost bike memorials on city streets. This isn't where one should remember someone, I don't think.

road-side memorial

On my blogs I've chronicled my journey through my career teaching, and shared some lessons learned (i.e., Tips for Parents with Children on the Internet). There is much being written about protecting our children. A new issue: protecting seniors from those who would prey on them on-line is another dilemma.

I've continued my personal research on senior healthcare, current information and best practices for those needing healthcare in Ontario (The for-profit healthcare sector is huge!), but eventually, this information will be outdated. What happens when I can no longer maintain it?

This memorial to Jacques Leblanc,
we also pass on the way to hospital.
It is creepy, as you contemplate your life.
He died here, age 22, on his motorcycle.

There are some good pieces I've written, which are timeless. Photos, however, are a nice record of a family. Our grandparents might have kept photos in photo albums, and data in ledgers, like Nancy's family, who settled in Lake of Bays in 1905:  Grandfather's Beach.

A friend of mine documented her journey caring for her husband  (WWII veteran) with Alzheimer's Disease: from managing his symptoms, to finally finding him a long-term care, and then the day he and his new girlfriend ran away! She had much support and encouragement. Once he passed over, she created a new blog about her recovery from grief, mourning and bereavement, as a widow. She is doing so well. Many, like Olga, shave shared their grief over losing a husband, and received much support. She wrote about cooking for one.

I also do blogs for two Habitat for Humanity groups. These photos are timeless and a part of the history.

My late father, late mother, and our family 1991
Ironically, my ex-husband's funeral is at this church.
He and his 2nd wife lived in the area.

The Bala Habitat build was amazing, I took photos on a regular basis. We moved away just before it was finished, but they sent photos!

In case of emergency, check browser history!
What do you think?

Tis time to find the colour in our winter

Unfortunately, Ottawa's famous canal was only frozen enough for a 28-day run, which is bad for us, for tourism, and for those who enjoy that exercise.

They say this isn't such a bad year for illness, since the cold season was short, and people got out in the good weather to play! I'm not sure about that!

My kids had a bad bout with the dreaded Norovirus last week. There are lots of things going around, however.
I'm glad we live in a country where children don't die from such bugs, despite Izzy barfing all night, she has lived to tell the tale and get good clean liquids back into her system.

I decided to wire them a cheery batch of flowers with a happy face mug!
It made me feel good, too!

My bronchitis/whooping cough(?) is getting better.
But I got bored. Going through several boxes of tissues, and 2 hankies per hour...

I had bought some Valentine roses, the buds made of chocolate, for my girls. Scrumptious dark chocolate, set on a stick, wrapped with proper florist tape, and a realistic green leaf. I decided my sore throat warranted a bit of chocolate... GONE!

While healing at home, I decided to get crafty. My faithful readers include nature nuts, wanderers, great aloha walkers & writers, chameleon teen author, writer omnivores, skywatchers, caregivers, cooks, camera critter photographers, floral photographers, artists, deckside photographers, vagabondes, fishermen, lots of retired teachers, travellers, crafty poets, house boat gardeners and gardeners, near (South Ontario; Central Ontario) and far across the pond, ranchers on this continent, ranchers afar, hilltop skywatchers. I felt hopeful I could create something, too.

I figured I ought to replace the chocolates with a homemade flower! I'd bought some craft foam and traced many sizes of the same shape, then plunked them on the top of the stems.
Not so bad!!!! I glued a bead on top, with my trusty hot glue gun.

We had planned a visit, abandoned when I went on antibiotics! I still believe that it was undiagnosed whooping cough. People my age haven't usually had their pertussis shot in recent years. I did a bit of research, after I heard about some other cases, and this I believe is true: it is going undiagnosed in many cases presented in the ER.

Norovirus infection Fact Sheet - Toronto Public Health

What are the signs and symptoms of Norovirus infection? How long do symptoms of ...What should I do if I, or a family member, become infected with Norovirus?
See also: Norovirus

Number of Whooping Cough Cases in B.C.

About 150 cases of whooping cough have now been reported in the Lower Mainland as health officials warn the disease is spreading west of the Fraser Valley.

Rotavirus Vaccine

Rotavirus is a virus that causes severe diarrhea, vomiting and dehydration among infants and children in the world. In Canada, 36 per cent of children with rotavirus see a doctor, 15 per cent go to hospital ERs and seven per cent require hospitalization. 

Deer hunting season begins - slow down

A scary story:
Deer hunt proposed for city
The Chronicle Journal
The number of deer in and around the city has led to problems such as increasing deer-vehicle collisions. The limited hunt is being proposed after the city ...

I would not want anyone hunting near my house. It is too dangerous, with our cats, and wildlife. Many do not understand, in the adrenaline of the hunt, how far a bullet can go.
I'd prefer some pros called in, the experts who write about safe hunting practices, and caution potentially dangerous citiots in rural place, like Muskoka Outdoors, or The Outdoors Guy, to cull the herd.
I've had friends with near-misses, and a bullet in their eavestrough.

Drive safely on our roads - somebody out there loves you

She was munching beside the highway

The deer are on the move. While they are busy into their rutting (mating) season, just to add to the chaos, hunting season begins in many places this week. Not yet gathered into their winter yards, where they huddle for warmth, they are roaming and skittish. There have been reports of incidents caused by deer on the highways and biways.

Foggy fall morning

It is no wonder, with the speed that some travel.

This morning brought a lovely touch of fog into the mix. P.S. For those who continue to use my intellectual property: All of these photos are mine,

© JENNIFER JILKS

Deer hunting season begins

Clever signage

There are tricks to figuring out if it is open season in your Ontario area. Not being a hunter, I simply wanted to know if our neighbour's buddies were on the warpath. He has 35 acres, and allows someone to hunt on his land, adjacent to ours. After a couple of calls to the OPP, we have determined that he lets them have a blind, and leave a canoe to get onto the Tay River. Unfortunately, neither of us know the edges of our properties. I have heard them duck hunting at 5:00 a.m. during that season. It was scary. Someone was there prior to deer season last year. It sounded terribly close.

The process?
Firstly, one visits the WMU maps to find your Wildlife Management Unit (WMU) on the map, e.g., WMU 67 (PDF).

Whitetail bound

Then you go to the Hunting Regulations Summary page [e.g., Deer (PDF)], to find the individual animal that they are hunting. Finally, I found that in our area, eastern Ontario, deer season is Nov. 7 - 20.

Eastern Ontario established a Deer Advisory Committee (EODAC), according to outdoors guy. The reason being that MNR data shows that deer densities in Eastern Ontario is at an average of 2.5 deer/KM2 in 2009 following two killing winters.

When deer populations were at their peak in eastern Ontario, deer densities got as high as 12 to 14 deer/km² in suitable habitat. The 2009 data shows that deer densities have declined to an average of 2.5 deer/km² in the WMU’s in eastern Ontario. The target population is from 5 to 8 deer/km². This target comes from the province’s Cervid Ecological Framework [PDF], a provincial policy document that guides the wildlife management in Ontario.

Jeff Morrison, of Outdoors Guy, told me that based on his experience, Eastern Ontario has seen a 25- 50% decrease in deer population over the past 3 - 4 years.

When driving keep your eyes moving and ensure you check the roadway ahead and ditches on either side as you travel. Remember to slow down, you can only see what your headlights illuminate and if you see a deer near the roadway there is probably another one nearby.
Be prepared to act because domestic and wild animals may be dazzled by headlights and freeze on either the road or ditch as your vehicle approaches, then suddenly bolt in an unexpected direction.
Motorists who collide with a wild animal must report the collision to the police if the damage is in excess of $1000. Anyone wishing to keep the animal that has been killed as a result of a collision must contact their local Ministry of Natural Resources (MNR) office to obtain a Certificate of Reporting.

 Cervid

Spring formation of antlers on buck
-note his wound

-a term used to describe members of the cervidae family; a ruminant, the male having antlers.  The doe cares for the fawns alone. Male and female are segregated into gender-based groups. The antlers are shed in January or February in this part of S.E. Ontario.

Ontario has four wild cervid species: moose, white-tailed deer, woodland caribou and American elk.  Cervids are a highly valued and unique species group of Ontario's wildlife heritage.  They are considered by many as symbols of wilderness and are an important component of Ontario’s biodiversity. I posted previously about a memorial: a moose collision that took the life of an OPP member.

They are also very dangerous on our roads, if drivers do not drive proactively. Even deer weigh in at 100 - 300 lbs., never mind moose, and cause a great amount of damage to person and property.

Algonquin moose -from my photoshoot

Read my guest post: one victim had 50 - 75 pieces of glass shards taken from her face in the ER after a deer collision.

Watch the ditches, they often leap at intervals from the ditch.
Use your high beams at night; slow down. Expect the unexpected.

Elk tracks from our Algonquin Park trip
-just HUGE!

It could be bear, or wild turkey, too.

My Gravenhurst bear sighting

Yo, woman. What you want?

Turkeys are HUGE, too.

A time to mourn

I read a post about epitaphs, and then I remembered...Since my Dad died Feb. 16th, 2007, I thought it a fitting time to post the photos.
The date doesn't matter, I'm not one of those who perseverates on dates.

I remember my parents every day. I often dream that I am phoning my Mom and talking to her! Some perseverate on dates, but that is an unrealistic perception of life.

Today I want to thank a blog friend, Ed.
I also want to write about grief.
First, the thank you.

"Gone, but not forgotten. At rest in their beloved Muskoka"

Ed Boutilier, Muskoka blogger and photographer, very kindly offered to take a photo of my parents grave and grave marker. It is a 5-hour drive for us, and I was quite curious about how the stone looked.

In the Fall, Ed took time for a photo shoot for me. We moved after 60 years of Muskoka cottage country life.

I'd transplanted a globe pine to the grave, as well as the bird bath. A few plants from the garden, and some grasses. Emily, one of Mom's favourite garden statues, sits there with her broken leg. Some rebel mafia raccoons, including Butch, who smacked her around.


There are different kinds of love: there are various anglo interpretations...

 Agápe (brotherly, sisterly love; true love),
Eros (erotic love),
Philia (friendship),
Storge (affectionate love), all different kinds of love as articulated by the Greeks. They were so wise.

Now, if we do not love, then we do not grieve. Loss affects us all- those who risk our emotions to love.

Grief is an interesting human emotion.
Responses to grief (internal feelings), as opposed to mourning (external rituals, Celebrations of Life) and bereavement (your situation), are quite varied.

The late Elizabeth Kübler-Ross determined 5 stages of grief; Denial, Anger, Bargaining,  Depression, Acceptance, later revising them to indicate that they aren't so much stages as responses. A lifelong learner and pioneer, she lived and learned from those who are dying. Not sequential, we can move around these stages, at our own pace. We, as mourners, can recognize that we are normal to experience various emotions, and responses to the dying of a loved one.

There are different types of grief, anticipatory (as a loved one is dying), as well as grief that is inhibited, or delayed, abnormal in terms of being delayed, chronic or distorted. At some point one must come to terms with the loss.

In all my years teaching, helping children to deal with the death of a grandparent seemed the most natural thing I could imagine. We honoured our grandparents. Having volunteered with an Expressive Arts Therapist I learned more about this aspect of expressing grief. Very therapeutic. Most Hospice organizations have bereavement groups that have proven their success. I urge you to try one!


All photos by Ed Boutilier, Muskoka cottager and photographer!

Morning rituals - deer friends, wolves

Our mornings have settled into a new routine.
Firstly, feeding Doh, Ray, Me.


The feeding is nice entertainment. Yesterday, when I went out, the yearling came to the feeder, while momma was watching me and drooling. I didn't take my camera out, and missed the shot. Great gobs of...well, you get the picture anyway, dripping while she assessed by danger to her and her babe.

Hubby grabs the mail!

Next part is hustling across the highway to fetch the newspaper from the mailbox.

We figure that once we can't run fast enough to escape the cars speeding on the highway, we have to move somewhere else!

She watched me carefully

They paw at the grass buried under the snow

Even the fence bark is chewed

Poor buds - nibbled

One professional photographer, John E. Marriott, has been 

Photographing Banff Wolves II

I am content to go out much after dawn to photograph my deer! I captured a shadow of a wolf last month. I was content with that!

But I must search for some burlap with which to wrap my baby trees! I don't know how the previous owners managed their gardens, plus the 14 deer we've seen at once, but they did. They disappear once the snow disappears, we found this out after last week's melt.  Soon turned up once the snow fell again, seeking our grass and feed.

Wolf in the shadows

Christmas turkey count: 28


Yep! There were 6 turkeys that morning, 28 by the afternoon. I couldn't believe it! Scratching away in the snow for bird seed (0:30). At 1:50, the turkeys stopped, moved into the forest after our 3 deer went scrambling across the gully up the hill. I watched, and spotted a wolf (2:20). I couldn't believe it. All I caught was a shadow of it.

If you could change one thing about the world what would you change?

deer kisses

Following up on my post, What Are Your Fears?, Rabbi Kushner posited,
"If you could change one thing about the world what would you change?"

He told the interviewer, he would like to change the fragile egos his Maker created in humans.

Why are our egos so fragile?

We can scar a child for life with unkind words. Our hearts can be torn out at the suggestion that we are less than we would like to be seen as being.

We need family and good friends to shore us up and reflect our true selves back to us. 

 Go to church or synagogue for community. My blog friend, Travis, did.

Religion is about who you belong to, not what you believe. 

It's a judgement call. It is a matter of belief. Can we depend on nature, on the honesty of others, on the goodness of humanity?

Live bravely in an unfair world, the good Rabbi tells us.

Victor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning, said: 

We cannot control what the world does to us. We can control our response to the bad (or good) things that happen to us. Making lemons into lemonade is trite, but apt. Mr. Frankl survived Auschwitz. He wanted to live to write about the experience. It is a powerful book. I urge you to read it.

Eagle eyes peeled as the hawk flew by

Does pain equal punishment? 

Both come from the same Latin root. We have pain, but we are not being punished. Nature is blind and amoral. Things happen that are out of our control. Dealing with our life lessons teaches us strength and humility. 

Look deeply enough into yourself and around you, you will find the resources.
Investing our energy into making a difference, no matter how small, eases our fears and lets us live in the present. This is why we volunteer.

They look like lost souls when the feeder is empty!

Live bravely. Do not surrender to chance or  misfortune and panic.

Rabbi Bulka suggests we recite the Mourner's Prayer. Not because his religious community's was is the only way, but in community you gain support.

The Mourner's Kaddish serves a purpose: it draws people together in community. It puts those in mourning together. We know the benefits of community, of support groups, and bereavement groups.  

Ollie tries to take down the mouse ornament

Some confuse God with Santa Claus! Those who go on TV and beg for donations for their 'ministry', prey on the faint of heart. If you pray for something hard enough, it will come true, they tell us.

 Whether it be healing or a new car! 

In a world that is fair:
young people do not get sick, young marrieds do not die, the poor do not suffer quakes, tsunamis, everyone has enough to eat.
I believe that the law of nature are immutable. We live by them, we die by them. Bad things happen to good people. We are supposed to feel anger, pain, resentment, how we deal with these issues makes the difference between a whole person, and one who blames others, God, for their misfortune.


I wish the best to you and yours in the future.

Big East in Huntsville

I love helping to promote local musicians. While I'm no longer living in Muskoka, I get a lot of requests for me to validate or promote various people or causes. Most on my Ontario Seniors healthcare blog.

That said, this is a former 'neighbour', in Muskoka. Specifically in Huntsville. I am happy to celebrate music. This is a great video showing the musicians developing a song.

Quite fascinating, I wished, when I sang with the Ottawa Choral Society, or the Cellar Singers, that I had videotaped them during rehearsal. Great learning opportunities by watching an excellent conductor work.

Gotta thank those music teachers! David Low, my high school vocal music teacher at Jarvis Collegiate, was my favourite. 

The Titwillow Affair

I love these guys. I came across a great blog post the other day, while grandbaby was sleeping!

Just trying to have a quiet time before we carry on. And this is a fun vid.

Empathy, stupidity and ignorance

Fabulous article about American politics.
It makes me think of the quote, "Ignorance is not knowing. Stupidity is the active pursuit of ignorance."

Empathy and epistemic closure

It reads, in part,

Empathy, at its most basic level, is epistemic. It is sometimes discussed as though it is identical to love, respect or regard for others, but really it precedes that. It is what makes such love, respect or regard for others possible -- what informs it. Empathy is a way of seeing, and therefore a way of knowing. To avoid empathy is to limit one's own perspective to only one's own perspective -- to choose not to see and therefore to choose not to know. Worse than that -- it is to choose not to be able to know.

...

Empathy, in other words, makes you smarter and wiser. Rejecting empathy makes you dumber and more foolish. To choose not to see what empathy shows us is to choose stupidity.

Where the wild things were

Times, they are a-changing.

This blogger writes on the author who writes on the pivotal roles of top predators in nature – and the ecological meltdown that’s taking place on land and in the sea in their absence.
And queries:  
Have you heard of a fur-bearing critter called a fisher, the meso-carnivore possibly behind disappearing domestic cats in some rural areas?  [Our cat actually treed the fisher, but I have previously posted on this!]

Or talk about the coyotes in GTA! 
I know, moving into cottage country, that we have had to adapt to the animals.  

We are having to coin new vocabulary in order to understand what is going on in the world.

• Trophic cascading- whereby top predators no longer regulate the prey on the lower part of the food chain/web.
• Opportunistic species (white-tailed deer, coyotes in suburban Toronto, and Barred Owls) emigrated into an ecosystem. 
• White-tailed deer population irruptions throughout the United States
• Rabbits in Aussie-land.
• The importance of wolves to Yellowstone National Park's biological community
• Overbrowsed ecosystems
• Depleted biological communities

William Stolzenburg, formerly a writer for The Nature Conservancy and Science News, masterfully describes the fate of North America’s former top predators in his fantastic book, "Where The Wild Things Were: Life, Death, and Ecological Wreckage in a Land of Vanishing Predators" (published by Bloomsbury).

“And I can only believe, from somewhere deeper than any logic center of the brain, that a life of incomprehensible loneliness awaits a world where the wild things were, but are never again.”

– William Stolzenburg, 2008, from “Epilogue”, Where The Wild Things Were, p.218 (Bloombury USA)