Showing posts with label life review. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life review. Show all posts

Wednesday, 26 December 2012

Today I turned 'Shifty-six'!

My dance costume
I took lessons at the National Ballet
That's what my granddaughter, Josephine, told me during
our Skype call today! She is excited because she is taking ballet lessons! We pretty sick, still, so no party. Hubby's in bed. Thank goodness for sappy Christmas movies!

Today is my birthday. Yes, Boxing Day.
But I didn't meet my mother until I was 6 months old. I was adopted at this tender age, having been in foster care prior to this, where my foster mother called my Cookie rather than giving me a permanent name!



















My kitten, and ballerina wallpaper when I had measles!
Another Christmas
Nanny, Mom, Dad - 1970
It helps to write about life, love, happiness, and putting language to our lives. I am fortunate in that I have had three mothers, all told. My adoptive mother told me I was chosen. I was treasured. As a relinquished child, I was blessed. We had a book we read about an adopted child. It was a wonderful read. We usually spent Boxing Day visiting my Dad's side of the family. We saw Mom's side on a more regular basis. Nanny babysat us every Thursday while Mom and Dad went to choir practice, and she fed us lunch when Mom went back to work in 1961!

Christmas 2001 - one of the last turkeys Dad ever carved!
Santa's Village in Bracebridge in summer
My birth mother gave me up. I was illegitimate, and those times were different. Enid was living in Toronto with a foster family until my birth. She was from a farming family in south Ontario and I was the result of a one-night stand. Not exactly a Hallmark moment, but it is the truth. My father doesn't even know he is my father! I never had a chance to ask my mother about him. We only met once and she insisted on going to a movie!

I was doing griefwork with my late friend, Kaye, and she said that when she awake in the night, in those last few weeks of her death, she kept reliving her horrible mistakes she had made. We spoke of this, how we perseverate on this, and not our shining moments. This is why I do a Life Review with most of my clients. It is an opportunity to be positive, and to honour who you are before you are gone. This is why many of us write and blog about our lives.
Christmas 1980 = Me, Caitlin,
Serena Moffat (a young girl I babysat!)

My eight birthday
Christmas - Barbie and the angel (1960s)
I still have that angel!
Do not focus on one's day of death, or the place of their death, focus on the day of their birth. This is what I tell those who mourn. I now loathe those Roadside Memorials, or the newspaper remembrances on the day the peson died. Most of us die peacefully, and it is possible to have a good death.
Winter on Walker Ave., Toronto

Cookies, milk for Santa!

When old words die out on the tongue, new melodies break forth from the heart; and where the old tracks are lost, new country is revealed with its wonders. 
-Rabindranath Tagore, poet, philosopher, author, songwriter, painter, educator, composer, Nobel laureate (1861-1941)

Sunday, 13 November 2011

White Coat, Black Art –the back story!

I so love this show, and not just because I'm going to be on it! Dr. Brian Goldman is a medical journalist, author and ER physician based in Toronto.

The two men looking at the Tay River
Dr. Goldman interviewed me and my husband, on July 11th, for his show on unpaid caregivers, which will air November 19th. He is a fabulous interviewer. He makes you feel right at home, actually he was *in* our home! While the tape was running my cat started playing with his audio cable. We both kept on trucking. It was a hoot.

He spoke to me about my Unpaid Caregiving, both for my late parents and the volunteer hospice work I do. I consider myself a patient advocate, and work hard to improve the conditions of my clients; helping them find services, pain relief, a good death, and creating a Life Review. My most recent video of my friend, Kay Devlin: Celebration of a Life Worth Living.


After interviewing the two of us, we went into town


Meals on Wheels
Next, Dr. Brian went in with my husband, Joe, as the team was putting together the Meals on Wheels lunch delivery in Lanark Lodge. Hilarity ensued. There is a large team of people in our community that put together the supports to enable seniors to stay in their homes for as long as they can. We took him on a meal delivery. We consider ourselves a small part of this team.


Joe prepares to dispatch
Meals on Wheels
Next we headed off and treated Dr. Brian to lunch at Fiddleheads, where I told a guy to turn off the rude video he was playing loudly on his Crackberry! 


Then, we took Dr. Brian into the long-term care residence, where I volunteer on a weekly basis. 



Now, I made nothing in royalties for my book sales from January to June of this year. NADA! It is very hard to market a book in Canada if you co-publish, or self-publish. A 'best seller' in Canada means selling 5000 copies! Not that I am complaining, as it won't make very much difference to complain! I have given away more books than I have sold. I want people to read it and hopefully learn something from it.

Mildred (1940 - 2011) and her puzzle cat
The reward came in the writing of my story, and the research I did for the book, while I was working on my M.A. in Counselling Psychology. You better understand your life if you use a journal, and put pen to paper. This is an essential tool for caregivers to fight Caregiver Stress.

The joy has come from the people I meet when flogging my book. Since then I have been speaking to groups. I spoke at the NSM Palliative Care Conference: Stories in Palliative Care, and volunteered with Hospice Muskoka, and now Community Home Support Lanark County, near our new home.

My inspiration comes in understanding what  A Good Death can look like, and making it possible. Many cannot deal with death and dying. You can read about my efforts at finding a comforter for a Sens fan: #ComforterQuest. It was a small thing to do, but meant a great deal to a dying man.

End-of-life and palliative care is a specialty many of professionals cannot face.  For those dedicated to improving health, it is often difficult to face death. The barriers to a good death can be immense. The impact on caregivers is huge, and can have lifelong effects. There are many out there who can help. Check out the hospice associations your area. Volunteers can make a difference.




White Coat Black Art Program



Saturday, November 19th at 11:30 a.m. and again on Mondays at 11:30 a.m. on CBC Radio One.




Also, Chris Must came to the house to interview us, and to take a photo for his article.




Medical broadcaster Dr. Brian Goldman interviews Perth resident and author Jennifer Jilks July 7 for a CBC radio show (WCBA:Chris Must, Perth EMC
Medical broadcaster Dr. Brian Goldman interviews Perth resident and author Jennifer Jilks July 7 for a CBC radio show (WCBA: "White Coat, Black Art") on the plight of unpaid caregivers, to be aired in the fall.

Celebration of a life worth living

Here is the video I created for 11/11/11 *One Day On Earth!
Kay will be 95 on December 20th, 2011!


One Day On Earth 11.11.11 from Jennifer Jilks on Vimeo.

Perth Community Care Centre
This is a visit with my friend, Kay Devlin. She is 95-years-old. She lives in Perth Community Care Centre, with her husband. She is the chair of the Resident Council and attends Family Council meetings.

She writes and recites her poetry and she paints. She has an incredible attitude towards life and I love her!

She receives excellent care in her long-term care. There is always someone there to help her, or her husband. He has Alzheimer's Disease, and sometimes he is 'very much himself', she tells me! She tells a charming story in the video.
 I learned so much about myself and about others. Things I hadn't realized when I was nursing.

About being in long-term care,
"You have to realize it's not the end of your life; it's a part of it."
She was getting extra home support, but caring for her husband began to be too much. They had Meals on Wheels for awhile, but the demands of caring for loved ones with dementia, as we all know, can be overwhelming.

She is quick to let you know that her poetry is inspired by her current life situation, but she doesn't let that limit her mind. Her body has been limited in many ways, with aging.
She recognizes her health issues, and her vision challenges,
She learned to paint at age 75. She writes and recites fabulous poems.

Kay's painting table




*Founded in 2008, One Day on Earth's first media creation event occurred on 10.10.10. The collaboration was the first ever simultaneous filming event occuring in every country of the world. It created a unique geo-tagged video archive as well as an upcoming feature film.